Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
