thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
Randomize
