turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
i out mim tonsoeep
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