I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
just had to re-breakup with her. it was like shooting a dead horse that was crying and talking.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
It looks like I murdered a care bear and put its blood in my hair to warn the others off.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
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