she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
Randomize
