That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
all I know is I'm really rwfly really really stoned and a bunch of Korean people are yelling at me
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
Randomize
