Moan for me like Helen Keller
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Is it weird that i want a guy to ask me to homecoming by spelling it out in meatballs?
THATS VERY WEIRD
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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