foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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