If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
should my penis look like a turkey
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
I've just never had a dinner guest strut in, go directly to my bathroom, vomit.. then come out demanding whiskey and food.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Randomize
