38 yer olds are good kisserssss
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
My vagina is officially offended.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
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