Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
just spent about 3 1/2 hours looking for a dollar so I can buy weed.
suggestion: become a stripper.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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