There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
That sucks. I just talked to a telemarketer for 15 minutes about CSI: Miami and weed.
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
