I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm currently witnessing my drunk neighbor attempting to fold laundry on his front lawn. I think he's trying to spell out HELP.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
