guys are only as good as the porn they watch
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
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Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
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I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
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