just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
He texts me "just to say hi" and then tells me how hard he is and sends me a dick pic. And I'm like, dude, I'm ordering a burrito right now
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Randomize
