Just cropdusted the office
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Randomize
