you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Randomize
