in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
I just pynch a tree in the face
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
we're making bets on your personal life
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I woke up naked with a Jason mask on and a fat lip. What happened last night?
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Randomize
