Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
