Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
Randomize
