He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
We passed my parents while I was giving him road head...that awkward
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
