you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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