and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
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