grandma shit on top of the toilet
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
SHE JUST SHOVED MY HAND DOWN HER PANTS AT THE BAR
Don't text me with that hand
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
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