I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
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