Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
Randomize
