yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
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