Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
