When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
You ruined the universe
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
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