Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
Randomize
