Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
