Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I'm too high and old for this...
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
