FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
