his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
In all seriousness, if tomorrow night becomes a heated game of Which Ex Gets To Take The Plastered Birthday Girl Home, I'm going to bow out with my integrity intact.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
