I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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