just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
