You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Everyone I slept with in 2016 is getting a Christmas card from me. Because I'm an adult.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
He'd never survive you. Is there a boot camp for pre-heather training?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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