I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Randomize
