how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
It's like salsa. But with balls in it. I like to call it balsa
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
