the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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