Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Randomize