Dude, the girl i fucked last night left wearing my high school musical shirt you bought me. she also left her panties here though.
The one with Zac Efrons face on it? You definitely got the short in of the stick. i'd rather have the shirt
fuck. yeah me too. i don't even think these panties would fit me
I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
