if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp