and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Using 'equal to a modern day cock block" in term paper, inappropriate
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
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