my mouth tastes like poor choices
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
These People Are The Epitome of Lazy
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Disturbing Scenes People Witnessed As Children
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
I hope Team Snapchat has been enjoying our sex snaps all this week.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?