sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
She bit a glass in half.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
Randomize
