I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
I'm going back tonight
I bet his dick wears a tuxedo.
Just skate-of-shamed, shirtless, with a bucket or margaritas. Good luck beating that one.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?