hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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