Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
He probably has his cowboy hat on, that's his house hat.
The cops knocked on our door just to ask us if we were really having a no-pants party.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
