Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
We somehow managed to get the sumo-wrestler costume into the washing machine, but I don't think the cupcake icing completely came off... And it still smells like tequila.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
Randomize
