The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
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