i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
Randomize
