Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Does sending her to the conference instead of a competent employee and putting her in a suite make up for banging her husband behind her back?
No, but she’ll have a nice memory when she gets dumped and fired on the same day.
Randomize
