I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
