Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
