He asked to "fluff my boner.."
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
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