Well my night just got interesting. I just home from the police station. Hope you had a fun night out!
Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
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