Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Thats the last time im "arresting" you to get out of paying your bar tab.
What?! The only reason I married your sister is to have a Cop in the family!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
You had a good week dude, you bought a motorcycle and a beer bong with ur parents money, missed 2 classes, and ran from security twice, good first 2 days to college
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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