you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
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he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
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As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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