She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Haha I wonder if my burp offended him. So I gave him a fist pump to signify how friendly I am
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
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