I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
