hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
Randomize
