As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
Randomize
