If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
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