The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
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