??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Randomize