I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
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