He had one of those small greek statue penises
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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