You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
We got naked and peed in the garden. Something about bonding with our new house
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
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