you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
And my parents said I crawled through the house
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
