After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
I just wanna buy a tempur-pedic so i can drink in bed and not spill
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits