Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
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Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
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Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.