So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
These 19 Teachers Had Very Inappropriate Interactions With Students
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Women Confess 25 Instant Deal-Breakers On A Man’s Dating Profile
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago