508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
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