There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
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