Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I'm playing a drinking game with nyc prep. This will not end well for meeee
Everytime the gay dude pretends he's not gay, drink a cosmo. Everytime the crosseyed girl is crosseyed, kill her
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
we broke up because he couldn't handle the fact that i've slept with more girls than he has. also, i've slept with the girl he's seeing now.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
