the condom got lost in my hair
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
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My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
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You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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