What tipped you off? The sombrero?
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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