She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
