What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
