I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
If it makes you feel better, you're better at taking it in than ass than she is...
Well...yeah actually, that does make me feel better
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I just smelled my beer. It smells like coming home.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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