end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
yo dibs on the gosselin haired one.
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We were drunk having sex and I knocked over her bedside table/fish bowl and she jumped off to check if her fish was still alive but she made me pasta so it's cool
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
