oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Don't need my thirties to be known as the decade of "new types of shits from drinking" like last night.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
