i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
