Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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