dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
