so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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