If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
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