I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
Randomize
