college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
DROP EVERYTHING! Gatta go get tested for herpes, lets make an adventure out of it.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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