I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I forgot to bring soap and all I could find here was body wash. It's like bathing with laundry detergent.
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