walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Don't judge me. It's a Monday night and I can eat burritos in while bathing in the kitchen sink if I want to.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
