I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
