i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Remember the time you puked your contact lens out?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
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