Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Randomize
