she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
Randomize
