Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
Randomize
