the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
