Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Being drunk at the hospital is better than i expected. I got to hide and play in the little kids waiting area. Btw no one is hurt
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
